VW Betty Chronicles.. |Maisha

Having hit a quarter a century above the ground; a couple of years back, I decided in Matsanga's term to "prochure" a 1968 Volkswagen Beetle as a birthday present, later on christened Betty. The other day I saw a clip of Emmy Kosgei speechless at the surprise wedding gift of a brand new BMW X6 (*sigh!!* na hawa wachunganji wataonyesha sisi wanakondoo mambo). Well, come to think of it, I can identify with Emmy Kosgei in two ways: I too was speechless plus my "new car", just like her's, was a German machine only that it was "above stones" ..err mm yaani juu ya mawe. Unlike Emmy though, mine was self-sponsored; I paid hard cash, sio cheque - Ksh50,000. The transaction happened at Nairobi West in the proximity of where currently one pastor Muriithi of House of Grace church plies is trade (got no beef with passies btw) and also where currently stands the new NHC blocks. Hitherto, it had old kanjo-like bungalows where the seller and immediately after my broker-of-a-mechanic-to-be resided.

After the transaction, tyres were fitted and quick first aid done. Elated, the seller offered to fuel the car himself (nikidhani aliweka soo mbili tu) and we waited for dark determined to evade hungry cops with a high affinity for insurance-free old cars. After dusk we hit the road. You should have seen my teary self; a mix of emotions: happy I have finally acquired my dream classic car and apprehensive that the posho mill sounding engine (it was too loud) powering the bug on "rickets wheels" would make it to my home. Well, we got home without incidences to the chagrin of my neighbours' who conspicuously peeped outside their windows perplexed at the rookie pilot who must have mistaken their parking space for Wilson airport and proceeded to land his chopper subsequently disturbing their peace. Betty was home!!

My bitter-sweet relationship with Betty started. Unlike chaps who buy new cars and value depreciation cum mechanical deterioration starts immediately, I gradually started my slow restoration. I must admit, Betty's restoration was informed more by mechanical functionality than aesthetics. For instance, the only reason that could lead me to replace a tyre was because the old one was so smooth that a mkamba would promptly bypass it in his akala production factory (pun intended). I did a complete engine overhaul of my 1200cc motor, worked on brakes, fitted a juakali glove compartment, fixed the roof and side panels, fitted a mediocre music system.. etc. All this time, I was driving the car, mostly on weekends. You'd be sure to see me on a Saturday afternoon whistling as I maneuvered through traffic thinking to myself, if the government ever demands all citizens who own cars to queue up for some Christmas goodies I as well would have made it, in fact I should have been the first on that queue.. I own a car. Damn!!

I've got some vivid hair-raising and humorous beetle memories some of which I'm gonna share right here and shelf the rest for another day. Ahem! It's end-month, on a fine Saturday evening as I watch soccer at some joint in Dagorreti corner. Earlier on I had fitted a new Chloride Exide battery hence solving all my ignition problems, or so I thought. I am on a balcony sipping my favourite lager, watching Arsenal whoop some team and throwing an occasional glance at my antique German automobile across the parking. It's 4am, enough lagers and dance moves later, we are ready to hit the road. Betty won't start despite having a new battery. We get pushed by some parking attendants and pay them generously by a thick cloud of dust and smoke. I drop my friend home and hit Ngong road whistling without a care in the world, thinking, hell yeah!! I'm a baller!! Just before the City Mortuary roundabout and suddenly the engine stops.. Holy Molly!! Sema sobering up at the thought of ghosts and imaginary lurking shadows. A company bus' driver and conductor try to assist by pushing me, Betty still wont start. To cut the story short, the hitherto inebriated "rich man" made the remaining trip home in a matatu after being towed 300m by an opportunist taxi driver to a petrol station at an exorbitant charge of 800bob. Shoulda heard him say: "Wallahi brother, una bahati sana nimekuja, hii pahali ni mbaya sana. Imejaa ghosts na wezi wale wabaya, wale unasikiangaga". Next morning betty cranked up at the first attempt.. Gari zina madharau aki. wah!

In summary: I have sucked on the gas pipe at the Nyayo stadium roundabout in Sunday afternoon traffic very conscious of the vulture-like jalopy breakdowns parked there calculating another minute to pounce on me. I got home with lungs full of petrol fumes that I coulda lit a match stick to my mouth and spitted real fire; two packets of tuzo milk later and I could afford a smile and a sigh of relieve. I have driven two kilometers on Mombasa road with a maize cob (ya mahindi choma) pivoting my accelerator lever thanks to a snapped accelerator cable - zangu zilikua kubadilisha gear tu na breaks, lol. I have driven from Komarocks in a badly pot-holed Kangundo road at 3am on a sunday morning trusting my DIY skills to get me out of any impending mess. In a nutshell, my beloved Betty always got and continues to get me home. My only major regret is that back in the day I wasn't interested in how the car functions and how some simple things can be fixed. Hence, I have experienced my fair share of quacks posing as qualified mechanics ..kugongwa nayo!!

I have since joined the VW Anonymous Club of Kenya and am very privileged to interact with fellow Volkswagen enthusiasts who have greatly helped me improve my car and polished my DIY skills. Quacks are history too thanks to one George Lawrence Brown who is the most exceptional VW guru I have met so far. August this year saw us cruise to Mombasa and back for a long weekend, a convoy of seven beetles without a single incident. Betty made it too, purring like a cat, powered by a 1600cc motor, a high ratio gearbox and driven by yours truly. Well, has she attained self actualization? Time to move on to another challenge or probably get her a brother/sister? ..watch this space for updates. It's hard to sell it though - which reminds me. I once uploaded an advert on olx and thanks to her irresistible looks (ukweli.. enough people hoot at me on the road, especially jungus, just to give me a thumbs up) she attracted lotsa prospective buyers. One mzee from Nyeri stands out though: He travelled all the way from Nyeri and judging by the angle that his jacket was skewed to one side, he had hard cash and was ready to transact. Having driven Betty around all that week, I was shocked when at the sight of a "loaded" mzee, she refused to start completely. Tulisukuma tukachoka.. sigh!! So yes, she ain't for sale and if you insist on knowing her value, there you are: Her mechanical value is approx 200k and the sentimental value is well over 2m...

Below are some "evidence" photos thanks to one real VW addict and professional photographer: Stephen Warui. Enjoy!!